Kali Lamb. Christian blogger

Kali Lamb

Hurting

Visiting my mom’s grave-site used be an excruciating, daunting and painful tasks to me. I hated going there because at that vulnerable moment it was actually impossible to conceal the anger and pain inside of me. For years, when people asked where my mom was I would lie and say she lived somewhere else because I couldn’t even speak the words. Anytime she was brought up, that razor sharp pain began to aggressively stab inside my heart. In general, I wouldn’t have considered myself an emotional person at all and I tried my best to remain that way. Even through concealing the pain I felt from the death of my mom. If you knew me before I walked with Jesus, you probably knew that I was angry and destructive-- physically and with my words--and I was just plain mean. I called my sisters unthinkable names and said things that cut deeper than a knife. I broke doors and furniture.I threw cups, knives, lamps, anything in my reach. I used to beat my sisters until they were bleeding and left broken and crying hysterically (that is when they were still smaller than me.) Nobody wanted to live with me. Nobody could live with me

Somewhere deep in my heart I knew that God was real and that he was the answer. But I decided to be an atheist and that if He did happen to be real I hated Him and I wouldnt want to go His heaven anyway. Any opportunity I had to preach about the non-existence of God I took—preaching about evolution and all other knowledge that could possibly defeat the existence of God. That was until I encountered Jesus. He met me in my defeat—in the darkness—in my complete brokenness. At that point I had nothing to offer Him but my surrender. A tugging and pull in my heart and spirit encouraged by another believer led me to surrender my life to my Jesus. I began to allow the Father to heal me from the inside out only the way He can. No amount of counseling or self-help books can heal the way the love of Jesus heals. Another thing I love about Jesus. He is a God of relationship. His goal is not to create a bunch of religious robots once we get saved, He is all about the process. I didn’t get healed overnight, although I did literally feel a physical weight lifted off my body the moment I allowed Him in my heart. My healing was a process.

Forgiveness

I first needed to let go of major bitterness and unforgiveness I held to significant people in my life. There was a lot of people I needed to apologize too. (And some I only have apologized in recent years--again I’m thankful for God's grace In the process) There was a lot of things I needed to allow God to change in my life. I needed to stop following the ways of the world and give up those sins that I was holding onto and placing my identity in. Rather, how can I be in a position to receive the Lord's blessings and all the perfect plans HE has for me when I am clinging so tightly to things, ways, habits that God calls his children to let go of? He is the creator of the world. He sees the bigger picture. He sees the destruction that these things brings and has called us as believers to a higher standard of living which is for our own good and for His ultimate glory! This was a milestone revelation regarding sin in my walk with the Lord. Letting go of destructive habits of .anger, malice and revenge. In my healing process, the biggest person I felt I needed forgiveness from was my mom. And I couldn’t even have a conversation with her or send her a text because she was dead. Leading up unto her death I did everything in my power to show how much I “hated” her. I made my self hate her because I knew she was going to die. I told her I hated her among all other insults I could manage. Up until our last goodbye before she died, I still stuck with that hatred. One day, we got the call that she had died. As my sisters stood there weeping in my dads arms, I stood there with not a tear on my face but that terrible stabbing pain in my heart. I believe the guilt and condemnation I carried from my relationship with my mom up until her deathbed is what caused me the most pain. It wasn’t until I began this healing process with the Lord years later that I cried for the very first time about my mom. And from then on I was able to hash out this process with the Lord and today I stand healed and restored because of what He’s done for me. (I also don’t throw lampshades anymore PTL.) I didn’t need to have a conversation with my mom to receive full healing because Christ was able to fill that gap. He was able to fill every hole and void in my heart from all hurts experiences in my life.

God's Love

I share this testimony because I want to share not only the faithful love of God and the truth of who He is, but I also want to show the POWER OF GOD. The power of God to heal any disease in the physical and in the heart. I’ve seen the Lord make blind eyes see. I've seen Him heal broken bones. I've witnessed testimonies of doctor's stunned with miraculously disappearing cancer, tumors, etc with proof in the x-rays and cat scans. You name it, I've seen it or I know someone who has experienced or witnessed each type of miraculous healing by the hand of God. But our Good Father doesn't stop at physical healing.

Addicts free and transformed by the love of God.

Murderers transformed by the love of God.

Rapists changed and transformed by the love of God.

Victims of sexual abuse, anxiety and depression, loss of loved ones, war veterans healed and restored by the love of God.

I stand a new creation In Jesus Christ because of His Love for me.

He’s real and Alive and wants a relationship with you today.